Economy & Bride Price

A Bride Price?  Is it an insult to women,  a burden to men, or economic bailout?

Just as the wedding ring symbolizes unity between two people, the bride price is a symbol of unity between two families. Bride price injects a sense of accountability into a marriage, giving both families a stake in it. This helps to create strong marriages and good beginning for communication and relationships. It’s a gesture to the bride’s parents that you cherish your wife-to-be and is also a sign of appreciation to them for allowing you to marry their daughter. This practice is slowly becoming obsolete because it was preserved for virgins, which is no longer the case these days. Bride price is acceptable so long as it is reasonable. The key word is moderation. It should be a token of appreciation and not a price tag, since no woman can be sold.

It feels like it was yesterday, though it is over twenty years ago when my bride price was negotiated.  My father not being alive, my uncle assumed the role of a father. The bride price asked then was  Kenya shillings thirty thousand (today, that would be 1 million Kenya shillings, one thousand four hundred US dollars) (equivalent of four hundred US dollars). My bride price today 2009 would be twenty eight thousand US dollars ($28,000.00)

In many African countries, bride price or dowry was revered as a symbol of sincerity and good faith that brought together the bride’s and groom’s families. Traditionally, the prospective husband is expected to give a certain amount of money and goods, including cattle, goats, blankets or cowrie shells before a marriage is agreed or not agreed.

Bride price is traditionally sacred to African culture. It brings respect, honor and dignity to women and their families. But in some cases it is derided as a means to enrich a bride’s family or a license for a man to treat a woman as a “purchased” good.

Bride price maintains respect for women, and represents an open acknowledgement of women as valuable members of society. Bride price is the official rubber stamp of marriage. Modernization cannot deprive an old customary practice of its genuineness. Dowry is a sign of love and respect for both families, abuse of that custom is unacceptable. Bride price can even be anything as little as ten US dollars. Thus, bride price is really, a symbol of a union between two families, and a gesture of sincerity and good faith.

In Africa, it is still practiced extensively and known as “lobola” in the Southern parts of the continent, “mahari” in East Africa or “wine-carrying” among tribes in West Africa, and “Ayie” among the Luos in Kenya.

The world would be better off if for once it learned from Africa and made marriage more meaningful. It would be great to end the despicable way of life where wives are extremely easy to find, and equally easy to dispose of.

Before Africans start discarding their traditions, they had better take a glance at the Western world first. Just look at the dismal state of marriage in the West today, and think again about abandoning your traditions! Bride price is the ultimate symbol of marriage. Whether it is a ring, a house, or a couple of cows; a man in any culture has to prove his worth in one way or another to both the woman and her family. The dowry is one of the first signs that he is capable of working hard and sacrificing to provide for his potential family. Women feel honored by this.

Bride price or “wine carrying” as it is known in my part of Africa cannot be considered a burden to men or an insult to women. It is a way of putting the suitor to test as to his ability to take care of the wife-to-be, and eventually, children. In my community we are proud as men to show our in-laws that apart from being of age and emotionally fit, we are materially able to support our new family. Modern life has distorted the real meaning of bride price. The huge amounts of money parents ask for these days play a role in the domestic abuses that visit our marital homes. Parents are using this as an opportunity to get rich and make up for money that they couldn’t make elsewhere.  Also, the more education a woman has, the more bride price is expected.